Ex- English skipper Lewis Moody has announced he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet face the full ramifications of the muscle-degenerating condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old athlete, who was a member of the World Cup champion 2003 side and lifted several English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast a fortnight after finding out he has the disease.
"There's a certain looking the future in the face and being reluctant to really process that at the minute," he stated.
"It's not that I fail to comprehend where it's going. We grasp that. But there is absolutely a hesitation to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, talking with his wife Annie, states conversely he feels "calm" as he focuses on his present wellbeing, his family and getting ready for when the disease deteriorates.
"Perhaps that's shock or perhaps I handle situations in another way, and when I have the facts, it's more manageable," he added.
First Signs
Moody learned he had MND after detecting some lack of strength in his shoulder while working out in the gym.
After physiotherapy was ineffective for the issue, a series of scans revealed nerves in his central nervous system had been damaged by MND.
"You're given this condition identification of MND and we're appropriately quite moved about it, but it's so strange because I sense that nothing's wrong," he remarked.
"I don't sense unwell. I don't experience sick
"My symptoms are quite slight. I have a small amount of muscle deterioration in the hand area and the shoulder region.
"I remain competent to performing whatever I want. And hopefully that will continue for as long as is feasible."
Condition Progression
MND can progress swiftly.
According to the charity MND Association, the illness claims a one-third of people within a year and over half within 24 months of diagnosis, as eating and respiration become increasingly challenging.
Medical care can only delay deterioration.
"It's never me that I experience sorrow for," stated an moved Moody.
"It's about the grief around having to break the news to my mum - as an only child - and the implications that has for her."
Household Consequences
Talking from the residence with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was consumed with emotion when he discussed breaking the news to his sons - 17-year Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the traumatic news, saying: "This was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two brilliant boys and that was rather heartbreaking," Moody stated.
"We were seated on the sofa in crying, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog leapt across and started cleaning the tears off our faces, which was quite funny."
Moody explained the priority was being in the present.
"There is no solution and that is why you have to be so strongly directed on just accepting and enjoying each moment now," he stated.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been really lucky that the sole decision I made when I concluded playing was to devote as much period with the kids as possible. We can't reclaim those periods back."
Player Association
Elite athletes are unevenly impacted by MND, with research proposing the prevalence of the illness is up to 600% elevated than in the general population.
It is considered that by reducing the oxygen available and producing harm to neural pathways, consistent, strenuous physical activity can activate the disease in those inherently predisposed.
Rugby Playing Days
Moody, who earned 71 England appearances and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in recognition of his brave, persistent method to the game.
He competed through a fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once initiated a workout confrontation with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, irritated, he left a tackle pad and started engaging in collisions.
After coming on as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the back of the set piece in the decisive phase of play, establishing a foundation for playmaker Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the match-winning drop-goal.
Backing Network
Moody has previously informed Johnson, who captained England to that victory, and a handful of other previous team-mates about his medical situation, but the remaining individuals will be discovering his news with the broader public.
"There will be a time when we'll need to depend on their backing but, at the moment, just having that sort of care and acknowledgment that people are there is what's important," he said.
"Rugby is such a great family.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an extraordinary life.
"Even should it ended now, I've valued all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with unbelievable people.
"When you get to consider your passion your profession, it's one of the greatest privileges.
"Achieving this for so considerable a duration with the squads that I did it with was a pleasure. And I know they will wish to support in any way they can and I await having those conversations."
